Well, ladies and gentlemen, every BYU football fan’s favorite time of the year has finally arrived – preseason!

This is the time of year when the Cougar faithful reminisce of 1984 and let-downs of yesteryear long forgotten. This is the moment in the college football season when there are no losses in the right hand column. This is the year that BYU goes undefeated and stake claim to an illustrious BCS bowl game.

Talk filled with speculation and hear-say, “if this”s and “if that”s and, of course, the ever so popular “if only”s.

According to the current roster, this year’s Heisman winner will be Jake Heaps and according to the number of games on this year’s schedule, the regular season record will be 12-0 (13-0 if you include the national championship game).

Just based, plainly, on general BYU fan consensus of preseason expectations, the Cougars are the nations most successful team of all time.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrt!!! Stop the car. Reality check time.

First and foremost, Ute fans are more than aware of the hype around Jake Heaps. In fact, a fair number of Ute Nation refer to Jacob as Jake Hypes (or my personal favorite, Joke Hypes. Look, give me the list of teams Hypes has beaten as the starting (and only) quarterback. In all reality, you know… that world of fact and matter, Jordan Wynn had a much, MUCH more impressive freshman season (albeit much shorter).

Both Wynn and Heaps lost in the Holy War their freshman year, so that’s a wash (although Wynn did lose to senior Max Hall and Heaps to Wynn himself). Both had in-conference wins that were inconsequential and also a wash. The comparison lies truly in their losses to TCU and bowl victories.

Wynn and Heaps each faced TCU on the road in a year when the Horned Frogs went undefeated on their way to a BCS bowl game. Wynn, in his second ever start and third game, got rattled early by the Frogs, but got dusted off and led the Utes offense to 28 points and finished the game as the game’s leading passer over Andy Dalton. Heaps, in his fourth start and seventh game, led the Cougars to one field goal and that’s it.

The Holy War and TCU losses were the only on Wynn’s record that year, Heaps piled two more in Nevada and mighty Utah State.

Wynn beat an 8-4 Cal team out of the Pac-10 while Heaps whooped on a 6-6 UTEP team out of Conference-USA (in which, they had a 3-5 losing record).

Explain it away any way you like, it really makes no difference. Even if Heaps is the better quarterback, a reception is a two-way street. You know what made Max Hall so amazing? Collie and Pitta. Heaps is a Ferrari engine in a car with 4 flat tires. So until Heaps actually does something, quit yapping.

Speaking of talking after completion takes me to my second point. How ’bout we cut with all the BYU BCS predictions because, frankly, it’s insulting.

Every year since 2004, it seems BYU fans have had dreams of BCS bowl victory and the national glory they once enjoyed (key word once). Y fans are literally starving for national success and attention. You think I’m exaggerating? Simply take a look at how the city of Provo reacted after beating Oklahoma by one point in the first game of 2009. You don’t need to watch the entire video as my point is made almost immediately, but I suggest you turn down the volume (there’s a lot of squealing).

I would venture to say that the literal starvation for national spotlight and glory is so severe that any speck of success will throw the entire city into a state of delirium. As you’ll recognize, this was the very first game of the season. How did these teams end up? Oklahoma beat Stanford in the Sun Bowl and BYU beat Oregon State in its fifth straight Las Vegas Bowl.

Speaking of bowls, which bowl game sprung off its hinges to pick up an affiliation with the Cougars this past year? The Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl (A.K.A. the 3rd most prestigious Mountain West Conference bowl game). If only the Cougars had snagged something akin to the Las Vegas Bowl or Poinsettia Bowl (A.K.A. the fourth and fifth most prestigious Pac-12 bowl games).

Jake Heaps will no doubt explode onto the scene at some time or another (I’m guessing once the Y gets into the WAC portion of the schedule). Once that happens, please, tell me how great Heaps is. I would love to chat about his pocket presence, throwing motion, whatever your little blue heart desires. Until then, zip it.

Once BYU goes undefeated, gets a BCS bowl invite and victory, please, tell me how amazing the team was that season. Until then, zip it.

Heck, Jimmer is still fresh enough, I guess. Keep talking about Jimmer leading the Y to the “Sweet 16.”

Lastly and most importantly, PLEASE stop talking about going independent as if you weren’t backed into it and went independent in spite of BCS Conference affiliation invites. Notre Dame went stag to the prom, despite numerous suitors seeking to escort them because it benefits them more to dance with whomever they choose. BYU went stag to the prom because nobody asked them but their dad is rich and enjoys encouraging their child’s nostalgia of their popularity in 3rd grade.

Utah is the kid BYU picked on that year in 3rd grade and grew into one of the hottest kids in school and got asked to the prom by one of the popular crowd. That’s reality.

Have a great fall camp. We’ll see ya Sept. 17th.

  1. I’m loving the prom analogy!

  2. Xerxes says:

    Haters gotta hate…

  3. Bystandard says:

    Wow, sounds like BYU fans really are better than Utah fans.

  4. zp says:

    To me it sounds like Y fans have some issues with their sexuality… Why so many questions about “hooking up” with their Quaterback? Bromance?

  5. Trey says:

    This was a terrible article haha… I hope this isnt your job bro!
    Its funny that you rip on byu… when really they are just as consistant as utah… or almost any other team that isnt in the SEC haha. I just hope you dont think you are good at writing articles

    • Dan Condie says:


      Thanks for taking the time not only to come read a post on my blog but to be moved by it so much that you felt it necessary to comment not once, but twice. This post was purely rivalry smack to get under the Cougs’ skins before the season started.

      Looks like it worked, since your response is nothing but a personal attack, lacking any sort of constructive criticism. I’m glad the article worked so well.

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